the atlantic was born today and i'll tell you how

for nearly two years i've lived in the czech. my official two-year term is nearing an end.

inevitably, i am asked the question by family and friends (on both sides of water), "so, are you staying here [coming back]"?

i've put the answer off for a long time.

partly to pray about it, but mostly because i was scared.

scared to commit [go back].
scared to hurt my family [disappoint people here].
scared of drudging through the cultural challenges [readjusting back to us culture].
scared of the ???????????.

but, finally, i've made my decision.

__________

it started in autumn. things had been tough. there were cultural struggles, ministry challenges, the language barrier, loneliness, etc. i was praying one morning about what GOD wanted me to do and the SPIRIT clearly spoke,


"I don't want you to leave czech until I call you somewhere else."


i didn't like that answer. life was hard. it would be easier/better/more fun/insert good feeling here ________ if i went back to the states. i begrudgingly accepted this from GOD, but hoped HE would change HIS mind.

ff >>

it was a sunny january day in az and bobby b and i were kicking it for our regular half-day comic book run/fashion square/good food/hang out and somewhere between spider-man and baseball the conversation turned to ministry. bobby was sharing some thoughts on some recent changes he'd made in ministry location and said, "one thing that has always stuck out to me was something Oswald Chambers wrote. he said,


'never leave the place GOD called you last until HE calls you to somewhere else.'"

GOD didn't change HIS mind. this was confirmation.

i still waited to make my decision though.

ff>>

monday.

czechs celebrate easter monday. it is really a bizarre celebration with some interesting traditions. but, regardless, it is a day off.

i spent my day with the LORD.

i decided that monday was my decision day. i took the day, went to a lake (which was really a resevoir for drinking water with no way to get down to the lake to enjoy nature--i was not happy) spent an hour there, then went and hung out in a cafe for four hours.

i read.

i prayed.

i asked GOD for guidance/direction/what HE wanted from me for the next five years.

HE answered.

it was powerful.

i expected HIM to show me some great vision for the future--some beautifully laid out ministry plan.

what i got was a load of specific verses of !who! GOD was calling me to !be!

maybe some day i'll share those, but i've delayed telling my decision for

l
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g

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GOD is calling me to stay.

even as i write this i think of the countless friends and family back in the states that i miss and the sound of disappointment that i've heard in my family's voices this week as i've told them of my decision.

it grieves my heart.

but,

i know that GOD is in this.

i know that HE is providing new friends and family for me here. never to replace those in the states, but to fill up what i am missing.

i know that HE is preparing works for me to do that are specificly tailored to my giftedness and passion.

i know that HE is changing me in ways that I could never be changed back in the states.

i know that HE is calling me to this.

i can step into that with confidence.

The things I learned being a father...

So, Mel and Amy (my close missionary friends here in Cesky Tesin), got back today from 12 days in the States. While they were gone I got the privilege of helping to watch their three kids. Before I say anything, I just have to say that these kids are three of the best kids I know...seriously. I love them a TON. I am at their house at least once a week and hang out (ahem, uh, play video games) with Noah, the youngest, about once a week. But over the past 12 days I learned a ton living life with them.

1. I now know why parents are so eager to get home to their kids. I've often wondered why parents in ministry (specifically Mel and Amy, Goz and Tami, and Jason and Shannon) would leave an awesome ministry event early to get home to their kids. Now, don't get me wrong, I am all for family, but I always wondered why they were so urgent to leave...now I know. Last Friday, Lucka and I had a meeting in a town about 45 minutes away. We had told the kids we'd be back by around 4. The meeting ended up ending at four and we still had errands to run before we could go home...the entire last part of the meeting and as we were trying to leave I could only thing, "we have to get home to the kids..." I couldn't believe it. And it WASN'T because I was worried about them, it was because I genuinely missed them and I knew they missed us.

Goz, Tami, Jason, Shannon, Mel, and Amy: I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND NOW!



2. On Thursday night, Noah and Hayley (the middle one) had friends over. I couldn't believe how much they changed when their friends were there...and NOT for the good. It seemed like everything that we'd been working on throughout the week was lost when their friends arrived. They started doing things that they never did when their friends weren't there...I couldn't believe it. It immediately reminded me of how pissed my dad would get at me when I had my friends over. I never understood it, but I now I know...it was because I was acting a fool when my friends were over.

Dad: I'm so sorry for being an idiot whenever I had friends over.

*Side note: the kids weren't being terrible...it was just little things...but enough to notice...



3. Good parenting while they are young pays BIG dividends when the kids are older. Noah, Hayley, and Hannah are some of the most obedient and well behaved kids I've ever been around. They still fight, they still want to stay up past their bed time, they still don't want to do their chores, but when I had to get firm, they submitted. This isn't normal.

Mel and Amy: you have done a superb job raising these kids. I can only hope that my kids turn out as exceptional as yours!



4. Parents need to be on the same team. Lucka has watched these kids more times than she can count. I helped a little last year, but she is the one with all the knowledge. She knows the bedtimes, where they have to be, at what time, on which days, etc. So, a few of the first nights, she would tell the kids that they needed to be in bed by such-and-such a time and I would (trying to be the cool father) contradict her and say, "come on, Lucka, they can finish watching this show". She would get so pissed. She wouldn't say it, but I'd get those eyes...husbands, I'm sure you know them...I never did until this week. This happened a couple different times until finally Lucka said that I had to stop contradicting her. So, I worked on it and got better. Then one night, to spite me, Lucka totally contradicted me when I asked Noah to do something.

Lucka: Don't ever contradict me again!

The past 12 days have been tons of fun and such a blessing for me. I learned things from this time that will be invaluable when I raise my own kids.

a third interlude

So, you may not think that Rome and Philadelphia have too much in common, but for me these two cities will forever be linked. Not because of their food, the amount of Italians who live there, or even their historical importance for each of the countries in which they reside, but because the two biggest fights my dad and I have ever engaged in occurred in those two cities. The latest of which was a meer four hours ago...

The purpose of this post isn't to recount the details, but rather to share the outcome of this fight. As you can see from the picture, my dad and I have reconciled things. Hard things were said, but reconciliation has occurred. All is good and our vacation will continue!

The fight has really caused me to take a hard look at myself. There are lots of different types of sin, but there is something about interpersonal conflict that seems to really affect people. And it digs even deeper when it is with family. This event, this blow-up that occurred this evening, and the resulting heart-to-heart between my dad and I opened my eyes to a huge area of sin in my life.

Altough my dad and I are reconciled my heart is still stirring inside of me.

I know part of it is because of the hurt that we caused each other today, but the majority is because I have been painfully reminded that I am a sinner. Sometimes I forget. I'm not sleeping around. I haven't killed anyone. But I have these flaws...these habits...that can kill. They can kill hearts. They can kill relationships. They can kill love.

I've let some of these habits run unabaited...unprayed for. I don't want to do that anymore.

Today sucked. No doubt. My dad and I were wounded by today.

But I am also thankful, because our relationship has been reconciled...AND, it has opened my eyes to sin...sin that has probably been causing hurt in others...and I don't want that anymore...

EuroTrip: A Picture a Day

My family and I began our Euro vacation yesterday. I've decided to post a picture a day to give you a taste of what we are doing and seeing. I intended to start last night, but due to unbelievably slow internet, the picture wouldn't post, so I had to postpone it until today. Hopefully, I'll get the opportunity to post a pic each day...I'll do my best.

I thought it important for this first post to be an introduction of sorts. So you can know the characters in this mini-documentary!



(from left to right)

Paul, aka Svagr (Brother-in-Law in Czech), aka the Outsider. 30, 6'0", 95 Kg (all weights will be in kilos to mask the true weight from Americans). Rumor has it Paul has been training for this trip by locking himself in a closet with three stubborn Italians and a stubborn Albanian. You would think being married to my sister would be enough training, but everything changes when you throw the rest of us into the mix. In search of peace.

Meghan, aka Sis, aka the Firecracker. 25, 4'11", 46 Kg. Don't let her small frame fool you. She can bring the pain. In search of Crown Jewels and purses.

Gary, aka Dad, aka Beefcake. 51, 5'7", 84 Kg. Balding, but beautiful, he is the patriarch of this ragtag fam. Bringing his crooked back and all, he makes his first appearance in Europe. In search of castles, history, and more history.

Laura, aka, Mom, aka The Gentle Italian. 53, 5'0", 54 Kg. Will be teaming up with Paul to calm the other three down. Her motherly love and grace will be the only thing to keep Meghan, Gary, and Nate from tearing each other to pieces. Also making her first appearance in Europe. In search of unity, love, and the Homeland (Italy!).

Nate, aka me, aka The Talker. 28, 5'9" (OK, 5'8" and a half...OK, 5'8"), 86 Kg. "Excited" to drive another 10,000 Kilometers in my car. But, more excited to be with my fam. In search of people who will listen to me talk, and the 5 B's of a good vacation (Books, Bronzage, Beach, Booze, and Babes).