Thursday, January 11, 2007

God hates divorce...

and I know why.

Over the past couple years I've had four friends get divorced. Three in the past year.

All Christians.

The last one occurred on Monday.

It was one of the saddest moments of my life.

My friend did all that he could to save this marriage. Granted, he made some mistakes along the way (none justifying divorce) that lead to his wife asking for the divorce, but he still pursued her with abandon up until the end. He never signed any papers and it went into default.

God's timing was perfect in this as I was in Arizona over the weekend and was able to walk with my brother through this tough time and was able to be there (with some other friends) at the final hearing.

We prayed as we sat in the courtroom awaiting the case to go before the judge. But as I did, God told me to talk to the girl.

I refused.

I tried praying again. God told me to talk to the girl.

I refused.

After a third time of trying to pray, God again told me to talk to the girl. This time I thought, "What if my words could help save this marriage."

I went.

Having been in the wedding, I know this girl well, so I knelt beside her, put my arm around her and whispered,

"You know I love you, right?"

She nodded her head.

"Seriously, you know I love you."

She nodded her head again.

"You don't have to do this. It isn't too late to save your marriage. Just because you've paid for a lawyer, it isn't too late. Just because you've filled out all the paperwork, it isn't too late. Just because we are sitting in the courtroom, it isn't too late. I know that if you choose to stick with this, God will honor it. It may be difficult, but I know that God will honor your decision."

As these words poured out of my mouth, she continued nodding her head. I'm not sure if it was automated or because she was accepting these words. My guess was that in the emotion of the entire thing she didn't know what else to do.

I told her again that I love her, hugged her, and sat back down with the boys.

Their case was next and I wish the outcome was positive.

The saddest moment of the whole thing and one of the saddest moments of my life was when the judge asked, "Do you believe that this marriage is unreconcilable and broken?" And she answered, "Yes."

Part of me wanted to throw up right there. The other part wanted to stand up and shout, "That is bull. You can save this marriage." It was a serious low.

I have never been this close to a divorce before. I've never seen it from the inside. I've never watched it happen. I've never prayed so much with a brother. I've never begged God so much to change a girls heart to save a marriage. It was sad.

I am glad that I was able to stand with my brother. I experienced the body of Christ with him. On Sunday night I watched him go in and out of a prayer room at our church with multiple groups of people praying for him. It was powerful to see the body rally around this broken brother. I'm blessed that I got to be a part of it.

But, regardless of how God received glory in this, I hated it. I hated watching her reject him and reject Him.

I'm sure God hated it too.


christinastanton said...

I fought back tears as i read this. I am in a VERY similar situation with my closest girl friend right now... it really hit home.

Petr, Lauren and Lia said...

Hey Nate,
I just read an article tonight that someone sent me that says that the divorce rate in Czech is 67% of couples and is one of the highest in the EU! So it's really all around us, certainly not just a US phenomenon. Only country with a higher rate is Belgium at 75%. Unreal. Marriage isn't sacred anymore.

APETH said...

Hmm. This blog hit home a bit, because, well, I'm a child of divorce.
I've been in the court room, I've switched families for Christmas and Thanksgiving, and I've seen someone give up while the other didn't...

I don't think God likes divorce, but I think He knows what to do with the aftermath, esp. with His children.
And, I know He brings love back into the lives of those who think it's dissapeared and will never return.

Anonymous said...

Doesn't it rack your mind....trying to figure out why God allows things like this to happen, especially to His children? All I could think of while reading your story was; "Why didn't she just say no and honor God by reconciling and working on the marriage?" But the truth is, most divorces go through because one or both parties is too lazy to work on the problem. We may not know what yet, but God has a plan in it all. He see's he big picture. He has him in His hands. God will be glorified and he will be blessed for sticking to the marriage even when it was hard. I am taking classes at ASU and it is seriously so depressing sometimes to learn about and know the facts and statistics of divorce in our world today. I feel blessed/priviledged that I could pray for you all on that day.
In Christ, Sarah Maurer

Anonymous said...

Thank you brother. i am this brother Nate talks of. She has communicated to me that she didnt cry at all before the divorce became final and that every single day since she has. The Church is sleeping when it comes to divorce. No doubt people heal through time and space - that is with anything. We are fascinating creatures. We adapt, we evolve, it's how we are created. We go through and live through things we never thought we could. But...some things we experience we were never intended to. Divorce is one of them. God hates divorce - I know why.

Anonymous said...

I am recently divorced. Officially Nov. 13th. It is the hardest thing I have ever been through times 500 and I have a had a lot of trials in my life. My husband had an affair and after I found out and he was wanting to come back I said this is our chance to start over, we had both failed and we had a 4 year old at the time and a 4 month old. I spent the next year doing whatever I could to save my marriage. It was extremely hard with my non-believing friends who said drop him, but I knew his sins were no different than mine, I didn't do anything as drastic as an affiar but aren't all sins a sin after all. It was through the GRACE of God and my closest Christian friends who saw me thru this difficult time. Even though I didn't want to go thru this I would never take it back. From the moment my husband left me I was on my knees praying to God and that experience while gut wrenching, is one of my most treasured memories in my walk with God. It was just me and him and I felt him all around me. I know he has a plan for my future and I can't wait!! God is awesome!
Stacy Chapin