the atlantic was born today and i'll tell you how

for nearly two years i've lived in the czech. my official two-year term is nearing an end.

inevitably, i am asked the question by family and friends (on both sides of water), "so, are you staying here [coming back]"?

i've put the answer off for a long time.

partly to pray about it, but mostly because i was scared.

scared to commit [go back].
scared to hurt my family [disappoint people here].
scared of drudging through the cultural challenges [readjusting back to us culture].
scared of the ???????????.

but, finally, i've made my decision.

__________

it started in autumn. things had been tough. there were cultural struggles, ministry challenges, the language barrier, loneliness, etc. i was praying one morning about what GOD wanted me to do and the SPIRIT clearly spoke,


"I don't want you to leave czech until I call you somewhere else."


i didn't like that answer. life was hard. it would be easier/better/more fun/insert good feeling here ________ if i went back to the states. i begrudgingly accepted this from GOD, but hoped HE would change HIS mind.

ff >>

it was a sunny january day in az and bobby b and i were kicking it for our regular half-day comic book run/fashion square/good food/hang out and somewhere between spider-man and baseball the conversation turned to ministry. bobby was sharing some thoughts on some recent changes he'd made in ministry location and said, "one thing that has always stuck out to me was something Oswald Chambers wrote. he said,


'never leave the place GOD called you last until HE calls you to somewhere else.'"

GOD didn't change HIS mind. this was confirmation.

i still waited to make my decision though.

ff>>

monday.

czechs celebrate easter monday. it is really a bizarre celebration with some interesting traditions. but, regardless, it is a day off.

i spent my day with the LORD.

i decided that monday was my decision day. i took the day, went to a lake (which was really a resevoir for drinking water with no way to get down to the lake to enjoy nature--i was not happy) spent an hour there, then went and hung out in a cafe for four hours.

i read.

i prayed.

i asked GOD for guidance/direction/what HE wanted from me for the next five years.

HE answered.

it was powerful.

i expected HIM to show me some great vision for the future--some beautifully laid out ministry plan.

what i got was a load of specific verses of !who! GOD was calling me to !be!

maybe some day i'll share those, but i've delayed telling my decision for

l
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GOD is calling me to stay.

even as i write this i think of the countless friends and family back in the states that i miss and the sound of disappointment that i've heard in my family's voices this week as i've told them of my decision.

it grieves my heart.

but,

i know that GOD is in this.

i know that HE is providing new friends and family for me here. never to replace those in the states, but to fill up what i am missing.

i know that HE is preparing works for me to do that are specificly tailored to my giftedness and passion.

i know that HE is changing me in ways that I could never be changed back in the states.

i know that HE is calling me to this.

i can step into that with confidence.