Shea Star

Many of you have probably heard about my friend Shea Hickok and her brother Luke. They were in a terrible accident on Friday night in Georgia. Shea has been in critical condition, but God is totally doing miracles in her life. Please pray for Shea as she has a long road to recovery ahead of her, Luke and Jesse, her brothers, and Steve and Susan, her parents.

Here is a link to a blog that they have started for her: http://sheahickok.blogspot.com/

Wrestling with God

Below is an edited excerpt from my journal:


I am learning a lot about myself right now and it isn't fun. This past month has been one of the hardest of my life and I think that last night was a true breakthrough in many regards.

For the past month I have been wrestling God. For the first four weeks I didn't even realize it. By moving here I relinquished my hold on many things. Language, understanding of culture, friends, family, etc. I don't know if I was truly ready for the shock that it would cause my system by not being able to "do" anything. I found myself grasping onto anything that I could control. The most natural thing to grab and hold onto was my new apartment. It was something that was tangible. Shopping, painting, building things; all of these were tangible ways for me to control something. Painting was painting, building a desk was building a desk and I could go to the store and buy something and see results. I paid, I got something. But even these things that I thought I could control, I couldn't. I had to continue going back to Ostrava (a city 45 minutes away) to shop for more stuff for the apartment, because we never got everything we wanted in one trip (or six!). Before we even could paint we learned we had to scrape all the old paint off the wall. There was even one wall that the paint fell off of! Nothing was simple. Building our couches was a nightmare. I built a desk drawer incorrectly and couldn't correct it. Everything that I tried failed.

This is when you'd think that I called out to God for help, but I didn't. I kept pressing. Kept holding on. Kept wrestling with God.

Then on Thursday as I was building something, alone with my thoughts, I began to realize that I have been wrestling with God. He has been trying to get me to depend on Him and to release my control of life and I just grasped tighter. It was really just a passing thought. I actually think that my stubbornness pushed it aside, because I wasn't ready to release things yet.

I really try not to over spiritualize things in my life. I think there is often too much over-spiritualization and not enough proclaiming of what is truly spiritual, so I am always skeptical when something happens in my life that may be overly spiritual. But on Thursday night I woke up with a terrible pain on the top of my foot. I was only awake for about 30 seconds, but when I got up in the morning and when I took my first couple of steps of the day pain shot through the top of my foot. I immediately remembered the pain from that night. I tried to think back to what it could've caused this pain, but nothing came to mind. Thursday night was the first time I felt this pain.

Friday, I worked on the apartment most of the day. Forgetting what God had tried to get through my mind on Thursday night, I continued striving with Him throughout the day and into the evening as I failed in more things.

On Saturday, my friends and I went for a hike (the pain in my foot still persisting) and then went to a play that night. The play was about the life of Jacob. It was all in Czech, but I could follow the story easily enough. Near the end, as God and Jacob wrestled, I thought to myself, "Gosh, that is what I've been doing with God for the past month!" Then God broke Jacob's hip. The similarity was unmistakable. "Did God break my foot Thursday night?"

Fast forward to Monday night. Dave (the president of Josiah Venture) spoke on Luke 9:1-6. The text is about going out without anything. The point that really struck me and ministered to me was that Jesus commanded that the disciples go out without anything. They had no tools, no food, nothing. They were forced to rely on the Lord daily for their provision. He gave them power and authority in verse 1 and that was all they needed for their ministry. They had to let go of everything that they had. This message pierced my heart. Everything began fitting together. I have been stripped of all that I consider a comfort and a help. Language, friends, understanding of culture, comfort, knowledge of how things work, etc. God is wanting me to rely on Him daily. I have nothing. I am carrying nothing with me and yet I have this huge task to do. I have this ministry, but I am going crazy because I don't have anything to do it with.

I thought.

Jesus has given me power and authority to do ministry. He has given me the tools that I need for right now. Today it may be very little. Tomorrow it may be less, but He will provide for me whatever I need each day. I can continue to wrestle Him. I can continue to try to do things on my own, and I will continue to fail. Or I can release to Him all that I have held on to.

I just tested my foot to see if the pain was still there. It is. I don't know if God "broke" my foot. But He is breaking my will and I know that this injury will continue to remind me that I need to surrender my will to Him and allow Him to provide for me daily.

Apartment, Part Three: "Finished" Living Room

We still have some plants to buy and some pictures to put up, but our living room is pretty much done! It is nice to finally have a place to relax and "unwind". The bedroom is pretty much finished, but we still have a couple things to touch up.

Here are some new pics.




My Friends Helping Out


Mr. Biceps


The Finished Living Room!

Emergent vs. Non-Emergent (for lack of a better term)

I think if I were to come back to the states that I would want to be a part of an "emergent church". I have some friends who have started an emergent church. I haven't been, but I imagine that it is a good blend of relevant worship and theological soundness.

But being in the Czech, I have been thinking a lot about what are the concepts of the emergent church that I can grab onto and use and what things have no relevance here. There are some things that would totally work, but others that would be a huge turn off. It has actually made me question how much I really know about this culture. What I've realized is that no matter what style we use, outreach is about going OUT.

I was just with a youth leader this weekend and he has been hanging with a group of students in a pub throughout the week. All these kids from this one high school go to a pub nearly every day and hang out. When he goes there they talk about life, but spiritual things always come up...It is amazing. He doesn't do anything fancy. There isn't a really cool program set up, he just goes, hangs with them and outreach is being done. It is totally incarnational. He is even thinking about starting a bible study in the pub! It is really cool. This is all being done in the capital of one of the most Atheistic countries in the world. It just proves that people are spiritually interested even in spiritually "dead" places.

I think it is sweet to set up a church in a way that unbelievers want to go, but what I think is more important is going TO them. I hear people talk all the time about doing outreach, but how often is that outreach really going out and how much of it is "inreach", where a relevant event is planned and the people are invited, but the unbeliever is forced to make the first step? I think that it is expected of missionaries to be involved in the community and reaching the people, but where are the missionaries to the States? How many youth leaders and staff are actually going out and hanging with students in their environment? When I was working with students in the states I was constantly hanging out with them at their houses and hang outs, BUT I was hanging out with the Christians...Don't get me wrong, I think this was equally beneficial, but I wasn't doing outreach. Consequently, they weren't either.

I am currently studying Acts and in Chapter 3 Peter and John are on their way to the temple at the hour of prayer (I wonder if they were going there to pray or if they were going there, because they knew that there would be people to get in spiritual conversations with!). Anyways, on their way they heal a man who has been lame from birth and a crowd gathers and then Peter shares about God. This is continually happening throughout Acts. The apostles GO OUT and get in spiritual conversations with people. The ministry that they do "inside" is to the body. I'm not arguing that we should set up services that are only for believers. I'm also not arguing for street evangelism. My point is that we need to be going out and reaching out to people in their world. We can't expect them to come to us. We need to build relationships with unbelievers and use that relationship to talk about spiritual things.

Part Two: Bedroom

We've started on painting the bedroom and it is looking awesome!!

We still have another coat of paint to do, some work on the ceiling and some detail work, but it is looking good. Here is the progress.

Room: post-primer, pre-paint


Room: Post-first coat (sorry that it is vertical...I tried to fix it forever...)


Working Hard Again!

Apartment Remodel: Part One

We are working to make our new apartment our own, so I am going to start a series keeping you updated on how everything is coming. I wanted to do a live webcam, but we don't have internet yet and I don't have a "cam". So this is the best I can do. It is not really live and not really a cam, but it is on the web and you will get to see progress.

Here are the first few pics of us scraping old paint from our living room walls and ceiling!


Room with old paint.


Hard(ly) at work.


The Final Scrape.


Room post-scrapping.

40 Korun Profit

The Charles Bridge is one of the most popular sites in Prague. During the day you can find a multitude of vendors selling their various trinkets to eager tourists and during the night the bridge is lined with couples experiencing the romance of Prague, the destitute begging the now not-so-eager tourists, and many different performing acts. Sometimes there are one-man bands. Sometimes there are fire-breathers. Sometimes jugglers. There are always a variety of different performers.

This is the story of two of them.

The last night with my intern team we decided to go to the bridge to say goodbye to the city. We ambled across the bridge, stopping to take in the view of the castle, take pictures, and just enjoy one another. As we neared the end of the bridge someone (it very well could've been me, but I don't remember) got a great idea, "What if Nate and Breanne performed to see if they could make some money? Nate could beatbox and Breanne could dance." I was reluctant to just drop my bags and just "perform", but I also knew this was the last opportunity to see if we could gather a large crowd. Breanne and I looked to one another. Neither of us needed to say yes, the affirmation was found in our eyes. In a matter of moments Breanne had transformed herself into a hip-hop dance and I became a beatboxer. A hat was laid on the ground in front of us and the show began.

Beats were flowing, Breanne's body was "popping" and a crowd was gathering. There was a smattering of applause as we finished our first set, but we were definitely getting people's attention. We began again. Bass, hi-hat, and an occasional scratch flowing from my mouth, while Breanne shook her body all over the "stage". Asians, Americans, Brits, Czechs, Slovaks, all gathering around to see this once in a lifetime show. People's hands dig into pockets for lose change and silver and gold fly into the hat. Even the One-Man-Band, pushing his instruments home after a long day's work, stopped to watch and even throw some of his hard earned profit into our makeshift bank.

We performed for about 15-20 minutes and ended up with over fifty people who stayed to watch at least a part of the show. As we packed up our bags and counted the change we found about 80 Kuron (about 3 dollars). We figured that our friends put about half of it in as motivation for others to do the same. 40 Koruns earned. Not bad for a night's work.

The Bartending Missionary

I have a friend who is a missionary. He is what is called a tent-maker. He and his wife moved to the Czech without raising support and are helping start an international church in Prague. In order to pay for their expenses they are working regular jobs. The work that they are doing is running a pub! That is right, running a pub. They own and operate this cool little pub in the basement of a hostel that is owned by a Christian couple. Is this a paradox? Christians and pubs? Beer and Evangelism? It can't be! Please tell me this isn't true! Well for those of us who love beer, this is a dream come true.

Chris and I met in Colorado at missionary training. As we talked and found out that we both were working in the Czech, one of the first questions I asked was, "So, do you like beer?" He replied, "For sure." To which I replied, "I don't think that you can be a missionary in the Czech without liking beer!" SIDE NOTE: Marisa was also a part of this conversation and she later told me that this comment that I made was one of the first things she liked about me! In a culture like the Czech, beer is a way of life. EVERYONE drinks beer. They drink more beer per capita then any other country in the world. They love beer. Not only that, but it is usually the cheapest drink on the menu. For a half liter of beer you typically pay about one dollar!! That would cost $4-5 in the States!! Many times Czechs think we are crazy for ordering soda since it is usually much more expensive than beer.

This week I got to hang out with Chris and Laura in Prague. On Friday night he had to work. I said I'd come along. He had a lot of office work to do and asked if I wanted to pour beers for him. I said yes. So, from 8-1 AM I poured beers and talked with people from all over the world. It was really an amazing experience. I talked to people from Australia, Germany, Britain, Belgium, Czech and the States. The kid from Belgium and I talked for about two-hours. We talked about travel, life, and love. It was really interesting to talk with him about what was driving him in life and what he cares about. Chris gets to do this four to five nights a week. He said that he has had some wonderful conversations with people.

On Sunday mornings the pastor of the church hosts a simple bible study in the Chapel at the hostel (oh, I forgot to mention that the chapel is a room that is located in the pub!!). Usually they only get a few people to stop by, but imagine the people that they are reaching.

This may sound like cutting edge ministry, but it is ministry that Jesus would do. This is vintage Christianity. Jesus went to where the sinners were and conversed with them on their ground. He resided with those who others wouldn't and couldn't reach. That is what Chris is doing. He is on the front-lines of ministry, meeting people where they are at.

Border Crossing

Since I don't have a visa yet to live here I have to leave the country every three months in order to be considered a visitor. I will start the visa process in September, but my first three months came up the other day, so I had to cross the border. Now, this isn't a big deal considering in live in Česky Těšín, which is the Czech side of a border town on the Czech-Polish border, but getting to the border wasn't my problem...

Mel drove me to the border and told me to just walk across through one building, cross the street, and then come back on the other side and that will be enough. I was a little nervous, because I don't know what they are going to think when they see me walk across the border and then come right back. I'm thinking that this could hurt my visa chances if I get caught. So I go through the building and the guy asks me where I'm going (I've told this story to multiple people who live in Česky Těšín and they say they have never been asked this question). So I tell him I'm just going into town. He says, "Today is a holiday and the stores are closed." I now start to get a little flustered, because I'm not prepared to answer questions. I stutter and say, "OK," he stamps my passport and then lets me through. Then the Polish guy looks at my passport, flips through it, stamps it and lets me go through. I proceed to the nearest door, because I want to get out of there as quick as possible, and the guys both yell out and point to a back door...more attention being drawn to me.

I should also note that I am wearing a brown sweatshirt that says OREGON on it, with a brown trucker hat cocked to the side, and brown Vans...my sweatshirt might as well have said FOREIGNER on it...

So I head out the back door walk down the side walk, cross the street and then hang another left and start heading toward the border again. I have no idea if the guys can see me in the other building but I felt like a flashing neon sign was attached to me (or maybe one of those neon cowboys with the moving arm pointing at me).

So I approach the other border guards (they are outside checking motorists) and hand him my passport hoping for a quick escape...no such luck. He looks at me and asks where I'm coming from (again I'm not expecting a question, especially that one, because I figured, hey, I'm walking from Poland, he should be able to figure out where I'm coming from). So, I stumble though the fact that I was in Czech, but then I came over to Poland and now I am going back. He tells me to speak slower. I tell him again. He looks at me oddly and says, "So you were in Poland for one minute?" Apparently the flashing neon cowboy pointed me out on my way over the first time. I say, "Yes." He says, "Hold on," and takes my passport to some building.

By now I'm a little freaked. I'm wondering if he's going to let me back in the Czech and even if he does if he is going to direct me to the bus station to send my butt back to the states...as I'm pondering how I'm going to tell my supporters that all of their money is being divided between the other missionaries in the Czech and wondering if Mountain Valley Church still looking for a youth pastor, a police car pulls up. Now my mind really starts going. I start thinking of the benefits of living back in the states and how God is sovereign and how He must want me back there. The cops pass without a word and the border guard comes out. He then asks me where in the Czech I am living. I technically can't be living anywhere, because I don't have a Visa, so I tell him I'm staying in this town. He then hands me my passport and sends me on my way.

I have no idea what all the hassle was about. I don't know if I'm now footnoted in the Passport computer as the "Sketchy American Border Crosser", but I am really hoping that this doesn't affect my visa application. Lucka, my friend who will be helping with the visa process, says it'll be no big deal, but we'll see. I also leave the country on Wednesday for vacation, so it'll be interesting to see if my vacation is a permanent one back to the states...

Interns and I at first camp

Interns and I at first camp,
originally uploaded by Micczech1212.

Moje Čeština je kostrabata...

"My Czech is bumpy..."

This is a phase that I learned from a Czech friend of mine four years ago when I was here. I only know it because he was trying to tell me that his English was bumpy. It has proved to be a useful phrase to know.

I know hardly any Czech. I can ask for a couple of things and I can understand the gist of some conversations, but I am barely scraping by this summer. Let me give you an example of what a Czech hears when they talk to me.


This is what I imagine a conversation with me is like. It is translated into English because I don't know Czech and you probably don't either.

Hotel Receptionist: "Hotel Babi Vrch. How can I help you?"

Nate: "Good day."

HR: "Good day. How can I help you?"

Nate: "Uh, five...evening...uh...uh...evening...18:30..."

HR: "Do you have a reservation?"

Nate (hearing word that sounds like reservation): "Yes, reservation."

HR: "Do you have one or do you need one."

Nate (hearing the word one): "No...one...uh...five...uh...five...evening...18:30..."

HR: "So you'll be here tonight at 18:30 and you need a reservation..."

Nate: "Yes...18:30...evening...reservation...Nathan Hughes...uh..."

HR: "What?"

Nate: "What?"

HR: "Do you need a reservation or do you have one?"

Nate: "uh...no...no understand..."

HR: "Do you need a reservation or do you have one?"

Nate (really confused now): "No understand...uh...goodbye..." (Nate hangs up)

Team (now in English): "So did you make sure that we have the reservation?"

Nate: "Sure did!"


This is typical of my summer. So far we've always had a place to stay and only Ashley and I have gotten on the wrong train once and we still managed to make it to where we going on time...

On the flip side, I was able to form a successful sentence today. I asked a woman at Tesco (similar to Wal-Mart), "Where is the Milka without sugar?" She responded, "Coffee without sugar?" I said, "No, chocolate." She understood and took me there.

It was a small victory, but I was very excited...

Ammendment to Bizarre Cultural Differences: Part 1

I got a receipt from a food stand at a pool the other day that had three pictures on the back featuring topless women!!

Bizarre Cultural Differences: Part 1

As I begin to live (and learn) in this new culture there are many things that are different. I bring you the first in a multi (I'm not sure how many)-part series on the cultural differences I've ran into here in the Czech Republic.


CIRCUMSTANCE ONE:

The Setting: I am sitting at a table in a resturant with one girl from my team, two Austrailians, and one Czech (Christian-this is important to give it context) girl.

The Story: As we are pouring over the menu I see a word that I am unfamiliar with (obviously there wasn't only one, but this one word caught my attention). The word was prsa, as in kuřeci prsa. I know that kuřeci is chicken, but I have no idea what prsa is. So I turn to my Czech friend and ask her what prsa is. She pauses, thinks for a moment and then puts her hand over her heart. I look down and say, "Heart", she then grabs her female anatomy and moves it about...my eyes grow wide and I say, "Oh, breast!" with a slight chuckle. It took everything in me to stiffle the laughter that wanted to explode out of me. But for the girl's sake I took it all in stride.

CIRCUMSTANCE TWO:

The Setting: A resturant with my team in the town of Litomeřice.

The Story: While looking over the menu at a pizzeria I came accross an interesting section. The picture that indicated what the section was showed the profile of a baby and some other object. The picture was obviously kiped off the internet, because it was of very poor quality. While I stared at the picture to figure out what the other item was I realized that it was a breast. I never bothered translating the section name, but I could only guess that it was the child's menu...

CONCLUSION AND CULTURAL DIFFERENCE:

Czechs (and most Europeans I'd imagine) have a much different view on sexuality than we do in the States. It isn't confined to the secular world either, as a Christian girl has no problem using her female anatomy to help communicate. I have seen multiple women feeding on trams, in resturants, pretty much anywhere they feel the need to. There are other examples as well, but I will save them for another time!!!

The Problem of Cool

I want to be cool. I want people to look at me and say, "Nate is cool. I really want to hang out with him." I want my non-Christian friends to say, "Wow. Christians can be cool." But I think there is a problem with this. I think that we have exchanged being genuine with being cool.

Donald Miller says it well in his book Blue Like Jazz:

"I was wondering the other day, why it is that we turn pop figures into idols? I have a theory, of course. I think we have this need to be cool, that there is this undercurrent in society that says some people are cool and some people aren't. And it is very, very important that we are cool. So, when we find somebody who is cool on television or on the radio, we associate ourselves with this person to feel valid ourselves. And the problem I have with this is that we rarely know what the person believes whom we are associating ourselves with. The problem with this is that it indicates there is less value in what people believe, what they stand for: it only matters that they are cool. In other words, who cares what I believe about life, I only care that I am cool. Because in the end, the undercurrent running through culture is not giving people value based upon what they believe and what they are doing to aid society, the undercurrent is deciding their value based upon whether or not they are cool."

I don't want people to see cool in me, I want them to see Jesus in me. I don't know if Jesus would be described as cool. So am I somehow weakening Christ's message through me by trying to be cool? Am I lessening Christ's work through me by worrying more about being cool than looking like Jesus.

My other issue is that by attempting to be cool we mask who we really are. I don't think anyone is cool. Deep down I think that we are all insecure, self-conscious people. We all see the failure of our life and to mask it some of us attempt to be cool. That was OK for me when I wasn't following Christ, because I didn't have anything to find my identity in. My identity was found in what people thought of me and how cool I was. But now my identity is found in Christ. I don't have to mask it. I shouldn't mask it. But I do. I have fallen into the trap of wanting to be cool.

Cool IS cool. The problem is that cool is not always genuine nor does cool truly reflect Christ.

Please, someone, notice me...

This is my sin. I've known it for awhile, but it became very apparent the other day. I'm not going to state the incident, because then it would fulfill my desire to be recognized (and maybe even writing this is do the same...) but a few days ago I was performing a task that no one knew I was doing. An overwhelming desire to be praised for what I was doing swept over me. The funny thing is that it wasn't even anything big or important. It was a small task and yet, I found myself yearning to be noticed. I couldn't get over it. For probably ten minutes I was fighting this inner battle of desiring to be known and knowing that it would be unfulfilling. I don't really know why I want to be noticed, why I desire praise, but I do. It is terrible. My prayer is that God would begin to refine that area of my life. I pray that He would purge the glory-seeking part of me and turn it to glory-seeking for Him. This is so difficult to give up. I want to be noticed. This is my sin.

My First Czech Sunday...

The aroma of raspberry tea wafted through the air and the aroma of praise wafted to the heavens as twenty of us sat in a room on the third floor of a building in Karvina, a city just outside of Český Těšín. It was wonderful to sit with these brothers and sisters and listen to the sound of this foreign tongue float through the air. It is remarkable that our God understands every language. I don't think I realized how big our God was until I first heard someone praying in a foreign tongue. It really expands ones view of the vastness of God when we realize that He hears us in all languages. As Americans, we are so Anglo-Centric that we forget that God is a God of the world, not just of the US or English-speaking countries. We serve a BIG God!!

Church was good. We went to a church plant this morning that was planted by the church in Český Těšín. There were only twenty people, but it was sweet. There were four kids there who had all been saved recently from the Jehovah Witness background. There was a gypsy man who was there. (The gypsies are the lepers of the Czech culture and many Eastern European countries. The majority make their living by thievery and the are just not liked by the people). The pastor asked me to share this morning (very typical of the Czechs to ask an American to share during a church service). Fortunately God had really impressed something upon my heart during my time in the Word this morning and so I had something fresh in my heart! The entire time was wonderful and I was very encouraged to be with them.

It is crazy to think that this is my new church family. While my family back in the states is still very involved in my life and ministry, these are the people that I will be walking with daily once I am living in Český Těšín on a regular basis. I am excited and nervous to get to know them...my Czech is going to have to get better much more quickly, though, for me to really invest and be invested into by my new family.

Marisa and I in Colorado

Marisa and I in Colorado,
originally uploaded by Micczech1212.

"You are way out of your league."

That is the quote that every guy wants to hear. Every guy wants to be married to a woman who his friends consider to be way too hot for him. Or way better than him. Well, I think that is happening to me!

Love is weird. You never know when it is going to hit you like a baseball bat to the face. It never happens at opportune times and it always changes the course of your life.

Over the past couple of weeks I've fallen in love. It's crazy, but true. I went up to Colorado Springs for training and for a reprieve. I wanted to draw closer to the Lord (which happened) and I wanted to spend some time alone (which happened), but I didn't expect Marisa to happen to me.

This girl is beyond what I could have ever wanted. People always say that you'll know when you meet the person you are going to marry and I guess I believed them, but I have now experienced it. I have also looked with skepticism at those people who meet someone and after a couple of weeks are talking about marriage, but now I am one of them. It is also interesting that after my previous blog about marriage I would meet someone so quickly. God often has funny timing.

Marisa is going to be in Kenya for two years, while I am in the Czech. We have no clue what to expect from this, but we are just trying to trust in the Lord and seek his guidance in how to proceed. What I do know is that God has exceeded my expectations with her. She loves God so much, she loves kids, is passionate, funny, beautiful, dynamic, intuitive, and challenges me to be a better. more Godly man.

I'll quit there, because I don't want this to be too mushy and lovey and crap, but I did want to express what is going on in my heart.

I died this morning...

This morning at about 10:30 AM MST I was shot in the back of the head while lying face-down on the floor. A group of eleven missionaries and I were kidnapped by local rebels, and after an hour and a half of intense circumstances and conversations, we were asked to select two people from our group who would volunteer to be killed. With mothers and fathers sitting around me and as the only single man in the group I willingly offered myself up. The other person was an older woman. As we made our decisions we were asked if there was anything that we'd like to tell our families if the rest made it out alive, I immediately thought of my mom. My heart was torn in two as I thought of her hearing of my death. Tears filled my eyes as I told them to tell my parents and my sister and brother how much I love them and to reassure them that I willingly offered up my life for the sake of the Gospel. One of the other women in the room started crying. She was thinking of my mother and how she would feel to lose her own son. Soon one of our captors came and we were quickly rushed out of the 8 ft. x 8 ft. enclosure. He told us to lie on our stomachs. I barely had any time to whisper a prayer before the shots rang out and I realized that my life was over.

While this may seem humorous, believe me it was anything but. For many of the people who were a part of this mornings simulation this scenario is a potential reality. Many of those here at training are going to volatile countries. While the Czech is fairly stable, anything is possible and so we took this exercise very seriously. It made me face the idea that I could potentially die in this manner. There are no guarantees. It also gave me an urgency to tell my family that I love them and to talk about these issues. I was so encouraged as I talked to my parents this afternoon and told them how much I loved them and to let them know that if I were ever in this situation for real that I would respond in the same manner. Both of my parents were very encouraging and said that they have actually talked about it already and that if I were to die on the field that they would both be devastated, but would hold fast to the hope of seeing me again in heaven and in knowing that I died for the Noblest of Causes.

The funny thing is that the point of the scenario wasn't to prepare us for this type of event, but rather to see how we interact with people in intense situations. It was hard for me today. God taught me a lot about who I am. He is continuing to peel away layers of my heart and reveal things that I didn't know about myself. It hurts, but I know that it is good and that it is part of God's process to make me more like His Son.

"You know you'll find your wife in Czech, right?"

Do you know how many times I've heard that? Lots. Sarah Martel would say about a billion times, because she exagerates. I don't know how many times I've heard it, but you know who I never hear that from? Missionaries. Do you know why? Because they know the truth. They know that there is no guarantee. Now don't get me wrong, I want to be married. But more than that I want to serve the Lord. I want to give my all to Him and be all for Him. I long for the day when I can serve side by side with my wife, but that is not guarenteed and until then I will continue to serve the Lord.

Girls are distracting. While waiting for my bags in the Denver airport I stared at this really pretty girl. I couldn't look away. I was transfixed. For a while I was mad because someone blocked my view, but he eventually moved and I got to look at her again. At one point in my gawking, I even prayed that God would give me a girl that pretty.

This is the dilemma of being single and serving God. I want to give everything to him, but I also can't help but want to have a wife. I'm trying to find the balance in that. The easiest way is to not look for girls, but then God puts one on your plane...

Sacrifice

Most people are amazed that I am leaving for the Czech. In their opinion I am leaving everything behind. They say things like, "I could never do that," or "You are sacrificing so much", but I have never seen it that way...until recently.

As I've gotten closer to leaving and as I've said bye to friends and family, I've really realized that I really am sacrificing. I don't mean to sound arrogant or prideful in what I'm doing, but rather, I want to acknowledge what God has blessed me with and what I'm really leaving behind. I got to spend some quality time with good friends before I left Arizona a few days ago and as I pondered those friendships I realized what great people the Lord had blessed me with. God has given me a great family in Arizona that has been essential in forming me into the man that I've become. I have a wonderfully supportive family, who though sad to see me go, completely backs me in my decision to serve God. I couldn't have asked for a better life. I couldn't have asked for God to do more in my eight-plus years in Arizona.

But...

As I've spent time here in Chicago with other future Josiah Venture missionaries and as I've thought about rekindling friendships with the other JV missionaries, I've realized that I am entering into a new family. While the old one will never be replaced (no one could ever do that!!) I will learn things that I never could've learned and will grow in ways that I never would have grown and I will build the most unlikely of friendships in the Czech.

My life is changing. It is sad but it is also exciting. Just like I never could've imagined having such a blessed life in Arizona, I'm sure I'll look back on my time in Czech with amazement and wonder at the marvelous things God did.

Tests

I have been experiencing some severe testing over the last couple weeks. At first the tests were infrequent enough to make me think that maybe God was trying to get my attention, but then yesterday the testing showed itself for what it is.

A few weeks ago one of my friend who is starting a new progressive church asked me if I was moving to the Czech for sure. I said yes and then asked why. He brushed the question off, but when I pressed him, he said because the church that is funding his church is looking for a high school pastor. I laughed, said thanks for thinking of me, and dismissed it. Then two days later another friend who may be working with the previous church approached me and asked if I was 100% certain that I was going to the Czech. I immediately knew why he was asking, but I still pushed it with him and he said, because this church is looking for a high school pastor. Again flattered I told him that I am for sure going to the Czech. As I walked away I began to think how cool it would be to work with those two guys, but I know that the Czech is where I am to be.

A couple days later as I was talking to my high school pastor, he began to tell me about all these cool churches that are looking for positions as well. Again I laughed and told him that I am going to the Czech. My outward confidence did not coincide with the doubts that were creeping into my mind. Should I go to the Czech? What do I do with all the money that has already been donated if I decide to stay? It sure would be fun to work with my friends! I knew it was ridiculous to even entertain these thoughts, but these other opportunities sounded so good.

Then yesterday I got the most ridiculously intriguing offer of all. My friend Frank called me. He is the missions youth pastor for a large church just outside of Oceanside, CA (the city my sister lives in). We hadn't spoken in a while and as we were catching up and talking about our respective churches, he told me that a couple of the youth pastors from his church have just left and that he thought it would be cool for me to go out and interview for the position. I literally laughed out loud. This confirmed what I had only assumed before, I was being tested. I told him about the other churches that have approached me and how there have been a lot of great opportunities for me recently. It would be so sweet to work with him and live near my sister and brother, but I keep reflecting back on what my friend Sean told me as I discussed this with him: "Anything worth doing is worth sacrificing for."

Don't we live for an exciting God? I could easily be anxious about all of these opportunities. I could easily question my calling and wonder if I'm doing the right thing. But we live for a God who is with us. His Spirit abides in us and guides us. I can go with confidence to the Czech, knowing that if I am obedient to his command of making disciples and if I am living my life in holiness, then I will be in God's will. What other belief system can offer that type of freedom and guidance?

Academy Awards and Reviews

For the first time in my life I was able to see all five films nominated for Best Picture before the Academy Awards. It took me seeing Aviator on last Saturday at 11:00 AM to accomplish the feat, but I got it done. I have already posted reviews on Sideways and Million Dollar Baby and since I don't want this post to be too long, I will post "mini-reviews" (said in Dr. Evil's voice) for the other three movies.

RAY: Unbelievable acting by Jamie Foxx!! I don't think anyone was surprised by the fact that he won best actor. There was really no point in the movie where I felt like I wasn't watching Ray Charles. Foxx was commanding. For those of us who were in the dark about Ray Charles' talent and brilliance, this movie opens us up to the magic of Ray Charles. The music in the movie is wonderful and I left the movie wishing that I had been a Ray Charles fan before his death. I find myself searching itunes regularly for Ray Charles songs now!

FINDING NEVERLAND: This is actually my favorite of all the Best Picture films. I am a sucker for cool cinematography and this movie has some great scenes. The movie is about J.M. Barrie, the author of Peter Pan, and his relationship with the family that inspired his tale. The movie captures the magic of children and living life to its fullest. It is a movie for dreamers and for those who don't ever want to grow up (see why I liked it!). Johnny Depp captures us again with his great acting and Kate Winslet and Dustin Hoffman (yes, Captain Hook, from Hook-brilliant casting) both do excellent jobs. But stealing many scenes is the young actor Freddie Highmore, who plays Peter Llewelyn Davies, the character Barrie names Peter Pan after. It is the most uplifting of all the movies and it is difficult to leave the theatre without tears in your eyes.

THE AVIATOR: This was probably the closest thing to an epic this year had to offer. Martin Scorsese (who I think got robbed of Best Director) creates a masterful timepiece tale of Howard Hughes. The airplane scenes that he depicts are amazingly accurate and make the movie come alive. The costumes and the cast of old school actors and actresses that intercept Hughes' life helps to bring the 20s, 30s and 40s come to life. Leonardo DiCaprio (who I don't enjoy--I hated Titanic--I think its one of the most overrated movies in history) does a masterful job. I have no idea what Howard Hughes was like in real life, but DiCaprio was brilliant in what Scorsese wanted to depict. Similarly to Foxx, I rarely felt like I was watching DiCaprio. He took command of the screen throughout the entire movie.

RECAP: While there was no clearly great movie for this years' Best Picture, I think it is one of the deepest years in a while. Sideways was not good, but the rest of the movies were excellent films and highly entertaining. They all had very powerful qualities (the story of Finding Neverland, the ethical questions and acting of Million Dollar Baby, and the great lead actors for Ray and The Aviator). I would definitely recommend these four movies for anyone who wants to see a good flick.

A Bitter Heart and Our Redeemer

I had my garage sale today. Amidst the pouring rain, it was a great success. I woke up at 5:30, made coffee, and then got ready to put the signs out. As I started to push the garage door opener a thought flashed trough my mind, "go through the front door." The idea of having to unlock the front gate and squeeze through the front door carrying boxes with "Garage Sale" signs attached to them in the rain didn't appeal to me, so I proceeded to push the garage door opener. Before the door was even fully up I realized that I should've listened to the voice in my head. Suddenly, a rush of people crowded into the already full garage. I was overwhelmed. It was only 5:45!! Were these people insane. Suddenly cash was flying around as people jockeyed for a chance to negotiate an angel ornament down from $.50. Dollars were flashed in front of my face as I realized that I had just sold two TVs for $30 when the original asking prices were $25 and $20 respectively. It wasn't even six (the original start time) and I was already being talked down on some of my biggest items. Eventually the flurry ended and I was able to sit down and realize that I had just sold $200 worth of stuff and it was barely 6:15. After I got organized I began to read my Bible. Just then an older gentleman strolled into the garage. We exchanged pleasantries and he perused through the merchandise. Before he left he noticed the bible opened in front of me. He said, "So, your reading the Scriptures, huh?" I replied briefly that I was doing the garage sale to raise money to go to the Czech. Seemingly uninterested, he said, "Well, do you want to know my favorite verse?" I said I did, but the look on his face concerned me. For some reason I didn't trust this man. I suddenly wondered what verse he was going to tell me. Was he some cynic who had flirted with Christianity at some point in his life and now was going to tell me some verse that was totally taken out of context? He then wrote down Job 19:25. Once I saw Job I knew that it could've been something crazy. We said bye and he walked out. I couldn't wait to see what he wrote. My fingers flipped through the pages with ease. Job 36, Job 3, Job 20. My eyes darted up the page. Verse 29, 28, 27, 26. There it was: verse 25. "For I know that my Redeemer lives, and at the last he will stand upon the earth." I was immediately convicted, encouraged, ashamed, and excited. My heart hurt because I had totally questioned this man and his intention to encourage me. I was excited and encouraged, because one of my favorite songs and the one song I turn to when I am discouraged is Redeemer by Nicole C. Mullen. I'm listening to the song right now. Just to hear those first couple chords always reminds me of what a BIG God we serve.

The garage sale was a success and I made good money, but what was more valuable than the money, was the eternal investment that the older gentleman made into my life by writing down one verse.

Blue Hairs and Million Dollar Baby

A chick boxer? I wasn't too excited to see this movie, but Lisa and I didn't have another choice since the theatre was overrun by "blue hairs". We had orininally planned on seeing Aviator, but when we arrived (at 3:00 on a Wednesday I might add) the theatre was crawling with old people and Aviator was sold out. I know that I tend to exagerate, but what we saw was an unbelievable sight. First off there wasn't the usual madness in front of the ticket counter with multiple lines blending together all jockeying for the next open window. There was one long line of people each waiting for their turn to purchase a ticket. I asked Lisa to look around and tell me if she noticed anything unusual. Lisa didn't notice it at first, but it was glaringly obvious that we were the youngest people there by a good forty years! After scanning quickly for any sign of life (and finding only a seven year old boy and another teenage boy) we realized that there were hundreds of old people there. I don't know if the local retirement home was on a field trip or what, but it was very eerie. We eventually got our tickets and proceded to the theatre hoping to find some people our age. When we got into the Cine Capri it was as if they were filming a remake of Cacoon and we had stumbled into the casting call. We walked slowly up to the top where two empty seats remained next to Wilford Brimley and Jessica Tandy (notice the clever refernce to Cacoon again).

The movie was very good. I didn't expect it to be. I'm usually skeptical of female athletics (sorry girls), but this movie was about much more than that. I must say that the fight scenes were pretty sweet though. While I don't prefer female sports, it is pretty sweet to see chicks beat each other up! The movie is about relationships (broken and restored) and moral dilemmas and explores the question of euthinasia. Any movie that can get me thinking about morality and what is ethical and what isn't, is worth seeing. The movie is stirring and left me wondering what I would do if placed in the situations that the characters are placed in. Beyond that, the acting is wonderful (what do we expect with Clint Eastwood and Morgan Freeman starring together). Hillary Swank also does a very good job, but Eastwood and Freeman steal the show, especially in their interaction with one another. I would highly recommend this movie.

Skeeter and I

Skeeter is the name of Christian and Jenni's dog. He has a sister named Kona. Skeeter injured his knee and had to have knee surgery to repair it. Since Kona is the hyper-active of the two, Christian and Jenni decided to have Christian's parents watch Kona while Skeeter was rehabbing his knee. This has made Skeeter a very lonely dog.

I moved into Christian and Jenni's house about three weeks ago. On the day I was moving in I suffered the most extremely lonliness that I have felt since I decided to move to the Czech. At first I didn't understand what was going on. I even found myself wondering if I should even go to the Czech. I immediately captured that thought as a lie from the devil and spent some time praying and listening to worship music. The feeling wouldn't pass though.

As I unpacked boxes and got my new room ready, Skeeter kept coming into my room. I don't particularly like animals (I don't hate them-I'm just indifferent), and I don't have lots of experience with them, but I could see the loneliness in Skeeters eyes. I thought about him some and I thought it was odd that he would be lonely even though I was there. I was being extremely friendly to him and petting him, but he kept wimpering...then I realized that he missed Jenni and Christian. Even though I look similar to the other humans that he normally sees and even though I do the same things that they do, he knew I wasn't his owner...

I think it will be the same for me in the Czech. I will be around many people. They will all do similar things that my friends and family do. They will speak, act, and live in a similar fashion to how people do things here, but they will be different. And I will experience lonliness.

I'm actually thankful for that period of lonliness. I feel that it was God's way of giving me a taste of what I will experience in the Czech. It really caught me off guard here, but I am still surrounded my family and friends who love me, so the lonliness has departed for now. I don't know what I would have done if that fit of lonliness had struck while I was in the Czech...it would've been very difficult for me to break out, but now that I have experienced it, I know how to pray for it and I know that I need to be praying about it and when that feeling of lonliness occurs in the Czech there will at least be some familiarity.

Orange Slice or Punctuality

As I was pulling out of the SBC parking lot the other day to drive my leaky car to work, I stopped to pull a slice of orange from the half that sat in my lap. In the brief moment that it took to peel the slice off and place it in my mouth I had missed my opportunity to turn right. Like the shutes at a race track, the light at 76th Street had turned green and released the horses. I was brutally close to being late for work already and so as I sat there waiting for the chute to close again I thought to myself, "Why did I peel the orange now." I could have easily done it a minute (or even ten seconds later) and I would've been on my way to work. Instead I was delayed as I looked over my shoulder for the opportune time to make my way onto the race track. Then it dawned on me...the orange tasted good. In my haste to feed my own desires, I had caused myself to be late to work. Was eating a slice of orange better than being on time to work...of course not, but at the time all I wanted was the juicy necter in my mouth.

This is just a small example of what we do on a daily basis. We foresake what we know is better for immediate gratification. I was dissapointed with myself. No so much that I was a couple minutes late (no one even noticed), but that I didn't even think about it. I didn't even think of what was more profitable; I just ate. It made me wonder how many better choices I overlook on a daily basis for the sake of instant gratification...

Movie Reviews: Sideways, Spanglish, Eternal Sunshine

Sideways: Probably overrated. While I love dialog movies, I also value originality and I thought that this movie lacked that. The best way I can describe it is as a darker, mid-thirties version of Swingers (one of my all-time favs. The movie is about two men who go to the SoCal wine country for a week before one of their weddings. There is some cool imagery between wine and a persons personality, but a lot of the wine references were lost on me (I'm a beer guy!). This is definitely not a date movie, with two brief sex scenes and a scene with a fully nude man running down the street (yes, they show EVERTHING). It is nominated for some Golden Globes, but I wasn't overly impressed.

Spanglish: This movie exceded my expectations and I had high expectations going in. The characters are very rich. From the lovable, mildly overweight little girl (I only comment on her weight, because it plays a role in the movie) to the alcoholic grandmother all the characters are deep and wonderfully presented. Adam Sandler does a great job playing a very successful chef and father in a disfunctional family. It is very different from any other role that I've seen him in (I never saw Punch Drunk Love) and he does a great job. Tea Leoni is also wonderful and the hyperactive mother. Her transformation in the movie as a wonderfully inviting and friendly wife to a controlling and disturbing woman is wonderfully done. Newcomer Paz Vega does a fantastic job as the Mexican Housekeeper of Sandler and Leoni's family. She is radiant and commanding as a somewhat tentative, but eventually firey and strong mother. The interactions between the family members are memorable. It isn't nominated for any Golden Globes, but I think it is more deserving than Sideways.

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind: This is my favorite of all three, which is saying a lot, because of how much I loved Spanglish. It gets the nod because it is so unbelievably creative and bizarre! It is about a company that erases the memories of people from their minds. It follows Jim Carrey as he finds out that Kate Winslett has erased him from her mind, so he procedes to do likewise, but during the middle of the procedure he decides he doesn't want to erase her. The majority of the film is inside of his mind (very Charlie Kaufman, the director). Jim Carrey and Kate Winslett do brilliant jobs and both are nominated for Golden Globes (as is the film). It is creatively filmed and is very bizarre! Although I figured it out early (as I often do in weird movies-I think my mind is jacked up) it keeps you guessing the entire time. It is out on video so you can rent it now. The other two movies are only in the theatres.

Well, I hope you enjoyed the reviews and I hope this helps you figure out what to see next.

Movie Reviews

I have decided to start reviewing movies. I know that I have a very unique taste for movies, but I think that I am critical enough to where I won't send anyone to a bad movie and the movies that I think are good, others will think so as well. I hope to get some of you to go to movies that you normally won't go to and uncover some hidden gems for you. I love bizarre movies, so take that into account, but I'll be sure to let you know if the movie is bizarre or not. Stay tuned for reviews!